A Dream No Longer
by Crimson lantern
Summary: After the disturbing events in Central and Edward's 2nd goodbye, Roy returns to the Northern out post. However, he is not allowed to remain there to wallow in regret. AU, Post Movie, Roy/ED, Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

**A Dream No Longer**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters therein.

Chapter One: Is it a dream? 

"General?"

His voice haunted him. For awhile the dreams had dissipated but never completely left him. However, a trip to Central had brought them forth once again, tormenting the Flame Alchemist's sleep.

"General?"

Edward had looked so different, older, and taller, if only by a few inches… Their meeting had been so brief, but it had soothed Roy's heart and mind. After everything he'd never allowed himself the belief that Edward Elric had perished for if he had, Roy would never have been able to live with himself. Not that what he was doing could be considered living.

And now… now he'd let the brothers go beyond the gate to a world of flying machines, of destruction, and closed the gate so they couldn't return. They had been fine with it, wanted it, asked for it, and yet Roy couldn't help but feel like a traitor. After everything he'd done in his life, closing that gate had felt like the worst atrocity.

"Hey, are you just gonna ignore me or get out of bed and look me in the face?"

"Leave me alone, Ed." The Flame Alchemist grumbled and turned over on the cot that had been his bed in this cold northern out post. Even in his dreams Edward was still a noisy brat.

"Sorry, can't." One foot heaver than the other sounded on the wooden floor. "It took a lot of effort to get there. Frankly, Mustang, I'm disappointed. I'd have thought you'd be in Central right now behind a desk not all the way out in the wilderness in some beat up old cabin. Doesn't seem like you…" More movement and then a heavy sigh as the chair creaked with the weight of a body sitting.

"So, you wanna tell me why you're out here instead of in Central? Havoc tried to tell me but I said I'd rather hear it from you."

"What's the point in talking to dreams?" Roy muttered and pulled the blanket up to ward off the cold.

"Don't know really." Ed replied with a light, amused chuckle, "But then what was the point in writing letters that I didn't think anyone would ever get to read all that time I was stuck in the other world?" The young man sighed again, "Am I gonna have to make you look at me?"

Irritation spiked within Roy as he turned over and sat up, throwing the blanket from his body. "Leave me…" His anger died on his lips as his eye beheld the blond prodigy sitting across the room. A pair of startled, golden eyes peered from behind bangs in need of a trim.

"Edward?"

Ed's visage turned melancholy as he examined Roy's face. Instantly, Roy realized what he saw and reached for the eye patch on the nightstand as he brushed his black hair to help hide his face. Even if this was a dream, he didn't want Ed to see, he didn't want anyone to see.

The Fullmetal Alchemist left the chair, crossed the room, and caught his hands before he could secure the black cover. "Don't,"

Roy's breath caught in his throat. Always in his dreams Edward had never felt real, more like something he couldn't touch. Nor had he been this forward as far being so close to him.

"What do you want?"

"Let me see."

He smirked, "Why, so you can make a snarky comment?"

"They said you weren't the same. Heh, like hell." Ed replied and gently, gently, brushed his hair aside to inspect his face. Ungloved, flesh fingers, chilled with cold ghosted over the scars before covering the mess that had become his face with the patch.

"You want to light a fire in the hearth? It's cold."

Was Edward truly sitting beside him? Why wasn't he moving away? Why wasn't he… Ed opened the nightstand and found what Roy could barely slip over his hand; his alchemy glove.

It was a dream...

Edward rubbed his thumb over the transmutation symbol almost lovingly. He lifted it to his nose and inhaled, closing his eyes.

This _had_ to be a dream.

"I missed this smell." Ed spoke with a certain fondness.

Yep, this was a dream. There wasn't a chance in hell the real Edward Elric would utter such a thing.

"Really? And why's that, Ed?" Roy asked with a smirk. "Was it in memory of our little fight and my flames licking your ass?"

Ed stiffed and an odd sort of blush colored his cheeks and he shoved the glove into Roy's hands.

"Keep it," The Flame Alchemist replied as he rose from the cot and reached for a robe. He was in his pajamas but he felt terribly naked.

"Don't you need it?"

Roy shrugged, "I've got others."

"Right, I remember that." Ed scowled. "Got any coffee?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Great, I'll make it and you can warm this place up. I can see my breath it's so cold in here. What do you have in the way of food? I'm starving."

Same old Ed; always hungry. Well, perhaps that was just his memory of the boy… young man for a young man was how Edward appeared to him now. He looked good, healthy.

Roy shook his head, "I was going to get some supplies in the neighboring town today."

"'K, you can buy me lunch. I'll help you carry everything back in return."

"Ed…"

"Huh?" the dream asked.

"What are you doing?" Roy faced him and found a percolator in one hand and in the other the facet knob. It was so very innocent, all so surreal as if this was a simple routine they carried out every morning. He wondered if Maes were laughing at him in the great beyond or heaven, where ever people when after they died.

"Making coffee."

It wasn't real and since it wasn't real Roy could do as he wished. Crossing the room, he emptied Edward's hands and made the young man dressed in white and brown face him as he leaned as close as he dared.

"Why?"

Edward's cheeks flushed but his eyes were as defiant as ever. "Listen, Mustang, I came to-"

"To what? Haunt me?" he bit, pressing himself into the young man's lithe frame. It was dream, no matter how real it felt, he could do as he wished and say what he wanted.

"Haunt you?" Ed seemed puzzled and still he blushed.

Roy narrowed his eyes; Edward didn't get to play innocent, not today. However before Roy could utter a sound Ed shifted and closed his hand over the Flame Alchemist's.

"What are you doing here? This isn't the Mustang I know."

"And the Ed I know wouldn't let me so close to him." Roy countered, "Or let me do this." He caught Ed's lips, caught them and claimed them. There was a moment where the young man stiffened but then to Roy's surprise and bewilderment, his assurance that this was all some dreamland fantasy his wicked subconscious had concocted, Edward relaxed and reciprocated.

Slowly, Roy pulled away and returned to his cot. Ed didn't move and for a long moment apprehensive silence filled the air.

"I want to be a State Alchemist again." Ed said softly.

"Now I _know_ this is a dream." Roy smirked and lay down, shoving his feet under the blankets, glad the chill hadn't zapped what was left of the warmth.

"Hear me out, Mustang."

Roy waved his hand, "Sure, I'm listening." This was utterly ridiculous. There was no way in hell Edward Elric would ever want to be a state alchemist. Not after everything he'd been through.

"I want to be a State Alchemist but I don't want to work for anyone else but you."

Definitely a dream and an amusing one at that. Roy chuckled, "Was the kiss that good, Ed?"

Anger flashed in the young man's eyes and he clapped his hands, pressing them swiftly to the floor. Alchemy buzzed throughout the cabin before Roy had time to react and something hard shoved into his back. He found himself on the floor with the cot atop him. It didn't stop Fullmetal. Ed ran over, yanked the cot aside and grabbed Roy's night shirt, yanking him upright.

"Bastard, knock it off. This isn't some dream!"

The pain in his back was almost convincing enough. "The Edward I know wouldn't have let me kiss him." he bit.

"Guess what, things change." Ed replied and pulled something from his coat. "Read it, I've got several with your name on them."

Roy's dark eyes fell to the wrinkled envelope. His name in Edward's script, his home address in Central, the address Ed shouldn't have known.

"Why?"

Ed sighed and let him go, scratching his head, almost in embarrassment. "Just read it."

"How did you get-"

"I did my research." Ed replied with a blush, one that was rather becoming of him. "Look, it wasn't easy to write it. Humor me."

"Seems like I've done a lot of that." Roy replied taking the letter.

"More like I was the object of your humor." Ed muttered, "There are other letters, you can read them if you come back with me."

Roy perked a brow. "Come back with you? Where? Central?"

"Yeah,"

"Why Central?" He asked.

Ed made a tching noise, "Because that's where you belong. Imagine how confused I was to hear that you demoted yourself and took a post out in the boonies; kind a strange for a man who strove to be Fuhrer. What happened to you?"

Roy ignored the question and opened the envelope, taking out a wrinkled letter.

_General Mustang,_

I didn't think I would miss you. I didn't think I would miss all of the sarcasm, the unwarranted verbal abuse, and short comments. I am taller than your desk you bastard! And if you ever did your damned paper work you could see Armstrong over it!

I want to come home. I want to say these things to your face. I want to tell you that I like you. I didn't really know it before, but I do.

I'm sorry I wasn't better behaved or showed my appreciation for what you and everyone else did for Alphonse and I. I didn't really think about it, it was hard when you were reaming my ass, but thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to fix my mistakes. Thanks for not telling the military what Al and I tried to do and for keeping it a secret. I realize now what it could have cost you. Someday I'll make it up to you.

So there it is.

Edward

Roy read it twice just to make certain he hadn't missed anything, then folded it and slipped it back in the envelope. It was… a very awkward letter. Supposing this wasn't a dream; he didn't know what to say. He'd never expected Ed or Al to pay him back, never really wanted either of them to.

He gave Edward a smile, "I never let my paper work get that out of control."

Ed rolled his eyes and sat back on the floor.

"This isn't a dream?" Roy asked hesitantly. "You let me kiss you."

"I don't even want to know what that perverted head of yours has dreamt of what else I've let you do to me." Ed replied with yet another blush. "No, it isn't."

"Okay, prove it."

Ed grinned wickedly, almost as if this were a golden opportunity but Roy let what ever was to happen, happen and then promptly regretted it as his cheek stung with the bite of Ed's fist.

"I've always wanted to do that." Ed said with triumph.

"I thought you liked me." Roy groaned and dared to try and assuage his cheek, winching as his fingers touched the sore spot.

"Oh, I do, but I've also wanted get in one good punch. Are you convinced?"

"That you're a pipsqueak shit, yeah." the play of emotions over Edward's face was almost comical as he tried to rein in his temper. That was new; the old Ed would have had some screaming come back.

Edward sighed, finally, and crawled toward him. Roy flinched expecting another blow but one never came. Instead Ed surprised him in that he turned his face to look at the sure to be bruise blooming on his cheek.

"I'm not sorry for this,"

"I didn't expect you to be." Roy replied and pushed Ed's hand away so he could look him in the eyes. "Do you really want to be a State Alchemist again?"

Ed sighed, "I only want to take that role if you come back."

"What makes you think I could get my position back or that I would want it?"

"You would rather sit out here in the cold?" Ed countered.

"Ed-"

"I know the government and military have changed, but don't you think you could do some good and keep others from doing what Bradley did, better if you were in Central instead of out here?"

Roy winced at the name of the demon. He still had nightmares of that night, still flinched when he thought of it.

"People believed in you, Mustang. They still do. Hawkeye, everyone who served under you, they are waiting for you to come back. Hawkeye even said there was talk among the higher ups about whether or not you were coming back after what happened a few months ago. Everyone is waiting for the Flame Alchemist to show himself and take charge again."

"You make it sound so easy." Roy scoffed.

"So it might be a challenge, so what."

Roy ran a hand through his hair, "Why are you giving me a pep talk?"

"Do you want me to hit you again?" Ed threatened. "I don't want to stay out here in the middle of no where. The cold makes my auto-mail ports hurt."

His brow furrowed, "Who said you'd stay out here?"

"Ugh! Damn it!" Ed kissed him then, a somewhat inexperienced, virginal kiss, but one filled with meaning and feeling not to be ignored. Roy's heart fluttered, this was what Ed had meant by like? Nothing purely friendly but definitely romantic.

"If not Central, then Risembool." Ed said softly when he pulled away. "Al's there, Winry too. They would like to see you. Al and I, we did what we had to do and we found a way home. Al will tell you, I came looking for you. This isn't easy for me to say, Roy, so you had better be listening."

Winry? Winry wanted to see him? Somehow Roy didn't believe that. After their last meeting, after she'd blatantly admitted that she knew what he'd done, what he'd taken from her, it had been less than bearable. What was more, it was clear that Edward wished to be where ever he was.

"I am listening." He breathed.

"Then you will come with me and read the letters I wrote to you?" Edward asked seriously.

"Ed, I can't go to Risembool."

"Because of Winry?" Ed asked rhetorically, "She doesn't hate you."

Roy cast his eye to the floor, "Ed, I… took something from her."

"Still, she'd like to see you." Ed replied, "We can go to Central, I've already started looking for places to live. Hawkeye said she'd help. She said she knows what you would prefer. I told her to look for a town house or a house instead of an apartment. Havoc kept everything you left behind in a storage unit, he'll give us the key."

"Is Central the only place you had in mind?" Roy inquired, wondering why Ed was going to so much trouble. Even if he did get his rank as General back, and Ed was reinstated as a State Alchemist, what then? What did they have to work for?

"I liked East City well enough, but Central should be the first place we go."

"We?" It was still a strange thing, Ed wanting to be with him, the kisses, the letter… Roy didn't really understand it.

"Are you dense? What more of an explanation do you need, Mustang?"

"How about a reason?" Roy replied sitting back. He winced as a sharp pain smarted in his back. "What are you going to get out of this?"

"Hopefully you." Ed replied with such honestly and seriousness Roy had to wonder if somewhere Edward had hit his head. For that matter if he'd hit his own head.

"Because you like me?"

Again there was an embarrassed blush, "Yeah,"

"But you don't even know if I like you. What if I don't? You never asked me if I was even attracted to you or liked other men."

Hurt passed over the blond Alchemist and shone purely in the golden depths of his eyes. "I guess I was hoping you could learn to. If you don't… that's fine. Just don't stay here and waste away."

"I'm older than you," Roy stated after a moment's thought, "shouldn't you look for someone your own age?" The truth was he did like Edward. He'd grown rather fond of him over the first year and later secretly harbored feelings he'd never dared to express. He'd teased him more and more just to get a rise and as a way to play in his own way without ever breaking the rules, without ever saying how proud he was of him. Without ever saying how much he admired his character and drive. He would have kissed Ed long before had he dared, had he thought the hot headed teen wouldn't have killed him for it and if he could have gotten away with it. God knew (if there was one) he'd dreamt of doing more than kissing the young man. And then their world had turned upside down and there had been no opportune time.

Ed smiled wryly, "Probably,"

"But you know what you want and will go after it." Roy mused. "Central huh?" Ed's eyes lit up with a flicker of hope. "A house might be nice. I've always wanted a study and a small library."

Ed smiled excitedly; it was thing of rarity to the eyes of the Flame Alchemist. "Should I call Hawkeye and let her know?.. That is, if you are considering it?"

Roy got up from the floor. "I will make you a deal, Ed, I'll return to Central with you, if you say you'll live with me." He'd give Edward this much for it was an awkward change in events. "We will have separate bedrooms of course."

The young Alchemist was nothing but seriousness as he joined him standing. "Right, it would be too weird sharing a bed with you. I like you, I like kissing you," He admitted with a face as red as the coat he used to wear, "But I would like to get to know you better."

Smart kid, Roy thought, for working with him was much different than living with him. Aside from that, Roy wouldn't feel entirely comfortable without giving Edward a chance to run. They would both need space and time to get use to this arrangement.

"I'm not who I used to be." Roy said softly.

"Neither am I. You okay with that?"

"Are you?" Roy asked gently. "Are you alright with the knowledge that I want to kiss you?"

"Depends, what if I want to kiss you back?"

Roy smiled and tugged Edward closer. The young man came so easily and without resistance. "Are you sure it's me you really want?" he breathed.

"I wouldn't let you touch me otherwise. You gonna kiss me or what?"

The Flame Alchemist didn't pause and let the meeting of their lips be his response. It was wrong, he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't have had any impure thoughts of Edward at all. Ed should be looking for a girl and one his own age not him. And yet as Edward returned the kiss in his own, sweet, innocent way with a faint noise of longing, Roy somehow justified it as right, it certainly felt so.

When he tried to end it, Ed clutched his robe, refusing to let go, letting out a whimper. Who was he to deny Edward what he wanted after the life the kid had led? Roy wrapped his arms around the blond, bringing him even closer, and deepened their kiss. He even slipped his tongue passed his lips and asked if he could have entry. Ed was shy at first but allowed him inside where Roy found him tasting of coffee and something sweet. But then Edward had always had a sweet tooth.

Ed fumbled a little and Roy could tell he was uncertain of what to do as he explored Ed's mouth and so he kept it brief without making it feel as such. This time when he pulled away, Ed let him, and for that he cupped Ed's face in his hands.

"I really missed you, Edward." and from that Ed smiled a soft sort of smile, he'd never seen before. Roy had to wonder if he'd see that smile along with other new kinds, he wondered if he could make Ed happy.

"I'll call Hawkeye and let her know. You should get dressed and pack."

Still duty bound, Roy held Ed still, "And what about my post?"

Ed grinned, "There's a man at the train station in town waiting to relieve you."

Roy chuckled, so Edward had never had any intentions of letting him stay. "Alright, Ed."

"You should shave too. Your face is scratchy and I don't really like it." with that Fullmetal turned and went in search of the phone.


	2. Chapter 2: How?

**Chapter Two: How?**

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the character's therein.  


It all seemed so simple. Edward placed a call to Hawkeye, he helped Roy pack the few things he had into his military issue bag, and they walked through the snow into town to the train station. The officer waiting at the platform seemed pleased to see them or rather pleased to know his trip hadn't been in vain.

After boarding the train to Central with the day and half the night ahead of them, Roy sat back to enjoy the scenery as it raced by. He'd always liked seeing the land covered in snow. It was pretty and looked like a blanket of pure white. It was an overcast day, much to his relief; otherwise, he might have closed the curtains to keep the glare from his eye.

Ed had somehow obtained a first class, private car complete with a lock on the door and curtains over the door window. There was enough solitude, aside from Ed lifting the covers on the breakfast he'd ordered for them both, to make Roy's cabin seem less than such.

"So, there's coffee, juice, pancakes, eggs and bacon. I don't know what you like so I went with the basics." Ed chuckled lightly, "I was almost tempted to demand use of the train's phone so I could call Mrs. Hughes."

Roy tore his eyes from the window, "What makes you think she would know what I like for breakfast?"

"It doesn't take an idiot to know the Hughes' would have invited you to dinner. After all they gave me a birthday party when they didn't even know me. Besides, you and Brigadier General Hughes were best friends."

"Yeah, we were." Roy said softly and turned his attention to back to the world passing. "Go ahead and eat your fill, Ed, I'm not really hungry."

"Hmm… Well I won't eat until you do. Didn't want to say it before, but you're looking thin."

Roy sighed, "You're going to an awful lot of trouble. Tell me, Ed, how _did_ you come up with the funds for this little trip to drag me back to Central?"

"Oh, I had some savings left over. It might surprise you, but Al and I were pretty good at stashing my pay away in a private savings account in Central Bank. He didn't remember anything about after I brought him back. It was still there a couple of days ago."

The Flame Alchemist smirked and reached for a cup of coffee. "Really, and I thought all of your pay checks had gone to repairs, travel expenses, food, and research. I guess that explains why you asked for extra funding every so often."

Ed grinned shamelessly, "We had to have something to fall back on."

"Indeed, but spending it on me is hardly-"

"Just shut up and eat."

Roy blinked a moment then smirked, reaching for a plate and fork. "Alright, Ed. If it makes you happy but you should know, I'm not really a breakfast person."

Ed got up long enough to put a lap try over his legs then flopped down.

"You don't have to do everything for me either." Roy muttered. "I am self sufficient."

The young alchemist merely shrugged and dug in with more manners than Roy had seen him use. Still, Edward ate much too quickly. Shaking his head, Roy pacified the expectant look on Ed's face and ate his breakfast. He didn't touch the pancakes though and handed them over.

Once breakfast was over and the food cart taken away, Ed locked the door and drew the curtain over the door window.

"So, you want to tell me why you demoted yourself and put distance between you and everyone who cared about you?" Ed asked quietly, sitting down across from him.

"How did you get back here? Where did you go?" He countered.

"Well, this will get us no where fast. Come on, Mustang, give me something. Was it…"

Roy shifted uncomfortably. He didn't want to talk about it; he didn't want to even remember. Certainly Edward had seen worse, had experienced worse and perhaps he wasn't being fair, but he just couldn't.

"Partly…"

"And the rest?"

"Does it matter?"

Ed shrugged, "Equivalent exchange. You tell me the things that happened on your end and I'll tell you what happened on mine."

Always the alchemist… "I don't mind not becoming Fuhrer, Edward. The position is gone and with it my goal."

"I wouldn't say that. Sure the position of Fuhrer might be gone but there is still a seat of power between the Military and Parliament."

Roy knew that, but he highly doubted he would ever attain that position, after everything, even if he was reinstated in his prior rank there were still many questions he'd avoided and left unanswered. The higher ups wanted information and that kind of information he wouldn't give since most of it concerned Edward. Things might have changed but they hadn't changed that much.

"And the rest?" Ed coaxed. "Does it have something to do with Hughes?"

Roy nodded and the private car filled with guilt, enough to suffocate. It stemmed from them both. "He wasn't supposed to die. I can't help feeling that if he'd just told me… It should have been me, Ed. He had a wife and kid."

"And he was a soldier just like you. If anyone is to blame here it should be me. Al and I tried to keep information from him to protect him."

"And he dug too deep after you left. So Bradley had him killed." Roy finished. "Marcho was killed because he knew too much and refused to create the philosopher's stone."

"What about Archer?"

"Hawkeye took care of him after I was shot." Roy replied and folded his arms over his chest. "As far as we know, the auto-mail mechanic who built his body was killed as well."

"Was it Bradley or Archer that did that to your face?"

"Archer. There's too much damage for it to have been Hawkeye. Besides, she rarely misses and is a clean marksman. She was aiming at him, not me."

"And Bradley, how did you destroy him?" Ed asked quietly.

"Using his skull. Apparently he entrusted it to his son although I doubt his son even knew what was in the bag he was carrying…" Memories flooded him, memories he didn't want to remember. "Ed… I can't-."

"Yeah…" Ed replied softly, "It's okay; it's my turn anyway…"

It really was and as much as Roy wanted all the details of the night Edward had disappeared, he didn't think he was going to get them today.

"Al died and restored my limbs. Scar made the philosophers stone inside him."

"I know, well not about Scar's involvement. I had a feeling, but never knew for sure." Roy said.

Ed nodded, "Even though we tried to hide it, I figured you'd figure it out. Anyway, I brought Al back using myself as material. It's complicated but I ended up on the other side of the Gate... My Dad was there and I lived with him while I did research and tried to find a way home. It wasn't until a few months ago when an organization called the Thule Society tried to come here and use our world for their war, or rather the chairman in charge actually wanted to destroy our world at the same time Al was trying to open the gate to get me back home. That was when I was able to come through. You know what happened here and that Al and I went back to keep them from trying again."

Thule? Roy didn't like what he was hearing. Unsettling as it had been to see machines that flew across the sky with weapons and walking suits of armor carrying crushed bodies inside, the thought of someone trying to destroy or use his world for their own ends was worse. Walking suits of armor didn't bother him, at least Al hadn't but after seeing what had happened with who ever had been inside the suits that had come through… Roy pushed it aside.

"Why our world?"

Ed shrugged, "Eh, they wanted to create an Arian race of blond haired-blue eyed 'pure' people like some race on some mythical island. I didn't really pay too much attention to that nonsense, just what they were trying to do. Any way, alchemy doesn't work over there, not really. It works with a blood sacrifice… The gate on their side opened because my Dad… He died to get me home."

On one hand he was glad Ed didn't seem to hate his father anymore, on the other… Roy sighed, "I'm sorry, Ed."

Ed went on with a hand wave of dismissal, clearly not wishing to touch on that subject at the present. "Al and I accomplished what we set out to do there and found a way to close the gate on that side, breaking it from the inside and managed by chance to open one on this side in a different place. It was risky, but we did it. We broke that one too so no one could use it. Then we headed home and now I'm here."

"And you want your old job back and apparently like me." Roy added, "That's quite a tale there, Ed." And it had come out so easily almost as if Edward had thought it through and picked and rehearsed exactly what he'd wanted to say.

"It's true,"

Roy smiled, "I don't doubt it." He let out a sigh, wondering what to say next. They'd had conversations together before but nothing really personal. It wasn't as if they had sat down to play chess and had small talk or developed much of a friendship. In fact, most of their time before had seemed to be filled with tid bits and hints of information, briefings and debriefings, Ed's rants, his jokes and comments about Ed's height or other such things to get a rise out of the kid.

There had been a few times where he'd met Ed in the East City library to show the boys something he thought might assist them. He'd taken Ed to get some new clothes once after he'd seen the worn condition of those Ed had. The blond had protested, insisting that he could fix them with alchemy, but Roy had won with a threat.

The Flame Alchemist had kept as close of tabs on Ed and his brother as possible, slipped into the East City infirmary if Ed had gotten hurt while on assignment at night to check on him or sit at the bedside. Of course this had always been after he'd yelled at the kid to be more careful earlier in the day. He didn't know if Ed knew about those times or not. Al had known but as far as he knew, the younger brother hadn't uttered a word about it to Edward.

And then, after Edward had disappeared and Alphonse appeared as a little boy in a human body, he'd kept tabs on Al from afar. He'd done it out of personal need; out of obligation to Edward for it was he who had opened the door for the boys.

Despite some of the dreams he'd had about Edward, as alarming and puzzling, and frustrating as they had been, it was startlingly peculiar that he should show up, allow kisses, give him a letter, and convince him to return to Central.

"You said there were other letters." He said finally.

Ed nodded, "They're in Central."

"What are they about?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't read them." Ed almost huffed.

"I'll read them, I'm just curious."

"What's this haunting business you were talking about? I got the impression that you've had dreams about me. What sort of dreams?"

Roy's brow perked as Ed's face flushed. He looked… pretty, almost innocently bashful. "I thought you didn't want to know."

"You think I didn't hear things while working for you before? Who knows what your perverted mind cooked up."

Perverted? Roy wouldn't say he was perverted more like romantic with a definite interest in the world of kink. "I always handled the women I dated like a gentleman."

"Was that before or after you slept with them?"

Roy couldn't help but feel a little offended and somewhat taken aback. "Are you jealous Ed?"

The young man made a tch sound and crossed his arms over his chest along with one leg over the other.

"You are," Roy said with a smile, "If it makes you feel better, I haven't dated anyone in years." This still felt so peculiar. Clearly Edward, liked him, liked him enough to get jealous over girls from over three years ago. It was warming.

"Do you like me?" Ed asked finally.

"I've always liked you, Edward. You're a very amiable person."

"You know what I meant."

Roy let out a strained sigh, "I have always liked your tenacity. There is a sense of honor and duty about you… Come here, Ed." The blond eyed him for a long moment, his face calculating and indecisive, but finally Ed crossed the space between them and sat beside him.

The Flame Alchemist hadn't forgotten the days when Ed was young and skittish, when he'd not liked to be touched and so he was mindful of it now. Still, he dared to touch Edward, lifting his chin so he could peer into the depths of gold.

"I never _liked_ sending you on assignments. You and Al were just kids. I have always understood why you needed to go but I didn't like it. I never liked looking over the medical reports and many times I thought about putting an end to your career as a State Alchemist but I always knew if I did, you'd do everything on your own. It was bad enough as it was, I don't even want to think of how much worse it could have been if I had cut you off."

Gently, he pulled the hair tie from Edward's hair, running his fingers through golden locks he'd never thought would feel like silk. Women had soft hair because they knew how to take care of it properly but Ed? He smiled wondering if it smelled as nice as it felt. Exploring that would have to wait, he thought as he centered his attention on the person who owned such hair. Again he was surprised at how close Edward was letting him.

Edward's face had always been attractive, his eyes liquid gold powered by a beautiful personality. Ed's body, while he'd seen it, it had been that of a boy and not a man. He had to wonder what new features it would hold.

He'd expected something to come from Ed's mouth, some retort and yet there was nothing but an air of uncertainty and expectation.

Roy pressed closer, tilting his head to the side, "You have grown into a handsome young man, Ed." He breathed then slid his lips over the younger alchemist's. "I had dreams I shouldn't have had of you and nightmares in which you were lost to me forever." He kissed Ed again, this time with a desperate need to know this was in fact very real and not just another of his dreams.

He felt Ed's hands on his shoulders, one metal and the other flesh, the hesitation within them. He shouldn't push them along but like Edward, at least for the last few years of his life, he'd let not one close enough to touch him, and so he craved more of what the young man was giving.

"It isn't a game, I have feelings for you," He breathed, cupping the back of Ed's head and slipped his free arm about the boy's waist to bring him closer. Edward's arms hugged his shoulders and the blond opened his mouth to him. Roy took such an opportunity to explore, to tease, and to suck gently on Edward's tongue.

Ed let out a whimper, soft and sweet, and Roy answered with a soft moan of his own, deepening the kiss, letting his emotions show themselves through his lips. When Edward touched his tongue to his, in experimentation of course, Roy nearly crumbled. And as Edward's experimentation turned more toward exploration, the Flame Alchemist found himself tugging and pulling until Edward straddled his lap. Still he held Ed, still he kissed him, but the time for kissing was done. It was too soon to let it go past the point of no return. Roy had many great regrets in his life; he would not let getting ahead of themselves be another.

Slowly, he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Edward's.

"W-why'd you stop?" Ed asked just above a whisper, his breath faster, more shallow.

"Don't you think it would be best to take this slower?" Roy asked more for his sake than Ed's.

"I feel good when you kiss me." The young man admitted with blush-tinted cheeks. "I didn't think I'd get to feel what it was like to kiss you. I like it. I like it better since you shaved."

"Well, I'm glad," Roy said with a half smile, still he was incredibly nervous. This could go very wrong very quickly. "Ed, we could do more than kiss, but that I will leave up to you."

Ed seemed to ponder that for a moment, "Fine, I want you to kiss me again. Just kissing."

Who was he to argue? Roy wondered only this time he let Ed lead then pulled away with a frown, "You kiss like a virgin."

"Yeah, you kiss like a slut, do you hear me complaining?"

His eyebrow twitched, he wasn't a slut. That had to be an assumption. "Don't tell me you spent all these years away and never kissed anyone."

"Shut up," Ed muttered and turned his face away in embarrassment. And there was Roy's answer.

"You know, you're awfully cute when you blush."

"Bastard,"

Roy chuckled as he rubbed his hands along Ed's toned back. "That's alright, Ed, you'll learn. It just takes practice."

A frustrated sigh left Ed's lips, "Then what are you waiting for, Mustang? I want to get good enough to make your knees weak."

For a moment Roy wasn't sure what to say but a delighted smile slowly spread over his face. So Edward had more than one goal. Interesting.

"Do I make yours weak?"

"Damn it," The younger Alchemist hissed and kissed Roy a bit feverishly with a hint of annoyance that bordered dominance.

Roy might have given into Ed's passion, the passion he had held locked inside for so long, but he wanted to do this right. He wanted Ed to know what… real love was. Most of all he didn't want Ed to think he was just another. So he gently pushed the young man away.

"Take it easy, Ed, there's no need to rush. You aren't going to disappear again."

"No, but I don't know if you're going to stay in Central."

Roy cupped Ed's face in his hands, "We will see." It was the best he could give him. "Do you really want to be a State Alchemist again?"

Ed shrugged but didn't move off his lap. "I don't know what else to be, I guess."

If that was what Ed wanted, what his decision was, he could honor it, respect it, and do his best to keep the higher ups off the boy's back. Certainly, if they managed to get their ranks back, there would be a catch. The Generals would want information, explanations, and while he'd done his best to clean up the mess they would be at him and now Edward.

Yet, somehow Roy had a nagging feeling that this was some elaborate scheme Ed had planned. He'd never known Edward to do anything without reason and while not particularly devious (well, he was but not completely) there was definitely something going on here. That was alright; Roy would play along and winkle it out of him at the right moment.

With a smile, he let his hands fall to Edward's arms, rubbing them. "So about those letters."

"Jeeze, can't you wai-" Roy silenced him with a kiss, avoiding the budding temper tantrum. They must be something, these letters, for Ed to get so cute and worked up about. Well, he didn't figure Ed would ever be the kind of person to just be able to easily come out and state feelings that were so personal. He must have put a lot of effort and feeling in those pages.

"I'm looking forward to them." He replied, still a bit uncertain of what to make of all of this. Only time would tell.


	3. Chapter 3: the Letter

**Chapter Three: Letter**

DISCLAIMER: I don't own FMA or the Characters Therein  
  
Eventually Edward had moved from Roy's lap and taken up residence beside him until he'd wanted to lie down. Then young man had moved across from him and used the brown coat as a blanket. For all of Ed's traveling on trains, he should have remembered that at least in the private cars, there were pillows and blankets. So Roy had pulled a pillow and blanket down from an overhead compartment and helped Edward get comfortable. The young man had protested that he wasn't tired, but Roy could see it with every move Ed made.

It hadn't taken much time for the blond alchemist to drift to sleep and then Roy got the chance, he'd not had in years; he had the opportunity to watch Edward sleep. A soft wave of contentment had washed over the Flame Alchemist as the afternoon and evening wore on.

Somewhere between late evening and two in the morning, Roy had fallen asleep. He didn't awaken until the train pulled into the station and the steward called out their stop, knocking on the door softly.

Roy yawned, stretching lazily, popped his neck and tried to rub the budding kink out. "Fullme…" Roy let the title die on his lips. As much as he'd missed calling the young man that, saying his name was ascetically more pleasing to his ears. "Edward, we're here."

Ed mumbled and turned onto his side.

Roy smiled. He remembered the days when Ed had been hard to rouse after a long train ride. He remembered the kid being late to more than one debriefing if the boys had arrived late in the night.

"Are you expecting me to carry you off the train bridal style?" He asked and his smirk grew into full bloom as Ed muttered something then shot up to his feet with a glare. Absent was the screaming, but the ire was still very much alive and he was glad to know not all things had changed.

"Central?" Ed asked after a moment.

"Mm hmm," Roy replied and opened the door, secretly worried about what would face him when he stepped on the platform. "Shall we?"

The blond fixed his mussed hair and smoothed down his clothes. "Yeah," suddenly the young man smiled and caught hold of his uniform sleeve, "Come on."

Half dragged from the private car and off the train, Roy followed Ed, asking about his luggage. Edward waved a hand in dismissal, pausing to look around, and in that moment Mustang knew the boy had indeed planned something. Familiar faces began to rise one by one among the small throng of tired passengers, faces he'd not seen in months, his subordinates.

"Welcome home, General." Hawkeye said in her quiet, calm way. "I have a room in a hotel ready for you until the details can be settled on where you want to live. There are a few things we need to catch you up on, Sir."

"I'm not a General anymore, Hawkeye; you can drop the 'Sir'."

She exchanged a look with the rest of his previous subordinates. "Not for long."

Uh huh, Roy thought but said nothing. He could understand Riza, Havoc, Breda, Fury, and Falman wanting him back in command, they had been loyal until the end. But how had they pulled Edward into their fold? Was it truly Ed's wish or had he been coerced?

"This way General," Havoc said then lit the cigarette dangling from his mouth, "Nice work, Ed. Wish I know how you got him to come back."

Ed said nothing but nudged Roy's arm as Havoc motioned for them to follow.

Roy didn't ask questions the questions that formed quickly in his mind as they rode to an inn near the city park. They would all be answered in the morning no doubt. No one asked questions of him but glanced at him periodically from time to time before dropping he and Edward off.

Hawkeye handed Edward a key, "I ordered room service and it should be waiting for you."

"Thanks Riza," Ed replied with a grin.

"Now hold on a minute, are you making Edward my babysitter?"

"You may call it equivalent exchange, Sir. As you looked after Edward for a time, Edward will look after you. Good night, General, Edward." With that she turned and got back into the car, ordering Havoc to drive.

For a brief moment Roy stood in a small state of disbelief. He wondered what he'd ever done to fall on her shit list then eyed Ed, finding an all too satisfied and nefarious grin. "I suppose you were in on this."

"Oh yeah, someone has to keep you from sneaking away. Who better than me?"

Roy perked a brow, "Alright, Edward, then tell me what they are up to."

"I asked Havoc to put my suitcase in the room. The letters are inside, if you are a good boy, I'll let you read them." Ed replied with began to head for the doors of the inn.

What was that term the superstitious used when something they'd done in the past came to bite them in the ass? Roy couldn't remember as he followed Ed inside. However, Edward had better enjoy this moment while he could, for it would be short lived.

Roy knew before Ed opened the door the room would be nice. But he didn't expect it to be a suite complete with a small living area, dinning area, kitchen, and closed off bathroom. Nor did he expect to find a box with some of his left behind clothing and his only photo album to be sitting on the table.

He heard the click of the lock and Ed's feet crossing the room. Ed put his suit case on the table and opened it up.

"They're a little wrinkled but they made it through the gate." He said lifting a stack of letters tied together with string. There were more than the Flame Alchemist had ever expected there to be, the stack was at least five inches thick.

"What did you do, write me a novel?" He asked holding out his hand to receive.

Ed shook his head with a thoughtful expression, "No," He didn't hand them over but pulled the top free of its binding. "I think I'll give you one a day."

"To keep me here?" Roy asked.

"Not really, I can just drag your ass back if you leave, by force if necessary. No, actually…" Ed scratched his head with a sigh, "Would you mind replying to them?"

Roy cast his eye to the stack then to the one Edward held out. He was touched, truly, and pressed a kiss to Edward's head. "Of course," He might even get a little creative with such replies and try to match the dates on the letter to what was happening here. No doubt Edward had only gotten brief fill in description. He would do his best and since these letters were of personal nature, or seemed to be, he would offer the same. Who knew, perhaps they would be somewhat therapeutic. At least it would give him some idea of what the other world was like and all Edward had seen and experienced there.

Ed pressed the letter into his hand and turned his attention to the cart of food. "Dinner smells good. Hungry?"

"Yes," Roy answered, tucking the letter into his uniform breast pocket. He would read it later, perhaps while he soaked in the bathtub and reply before bed. For now he cleared off the table and helped Edward transfer their dinner. When he tried to open the curtains to look out over the park, Ed stopped him.

"We might be a few floors up but no one knows you are back yet, not even Gracia and Elicia. Hawkeye would like to keep it that way until you find a place to live."

Roy sighed, "Am I in danger, Ed?"

Ed grinned, "No, but she thinks it would be better for you to slip in right under the military's nose then pounce."

"I see," Roy let the curtain go and sat at the table. "What makes you think the higher ups don't have connections to civilians."

"Oh she and Havoc took care of that. Let's eat."

Roy just bet they had. Oh well, no sense in letting dinner get cold while trying to figure out just what his subordinate were planning for him to do.

Dinner was an excellent array and well balanced. Probably better than he and Edward would have ordered for themselves, but knowing Hawkeye, she'd prepared for that and probably set up all their meals to be healthy and delicious at the same time.

After dinner, Roy headed for the bathroom and closed the door. He made certain to pull his pajamas out and take them along since he wasn't ready for Edward to see him. Not that he was overly shy, but he didn't want Edward asking questions he wasn't ready to answer.

As he descended into the steaming liquid paradise of a hot bath, he relaxed. It had been ages since he'd had a hot bath and while he didn't have his favorite scotch or brandy to sip, this was heaven enough. He did however, have Edward's letter to read and so reached for it, drying his hands before he dared touch it.

The second letter, as Roy learned as he read, was more like a rant. Ed was angry and frustrated, worried about his brother, and worried about everyone else. After three pages, Roy knew Edward was in a place called England and didn't know why his auto-mail was failing. His father had made replacements and Edward was looking into something called a rocket as a way to get home. He learned that while Ed was trying, it was difficult to feel comfortable around his father.

While still a letter, it was written in the standard form of a military report, or at least it had turned into such. Immediately, Roy saw this letter for what it was; a way for Edward to keep some sense of stability and sanity in a foreign world where he was naked of everything he knew. And at the end, before the signature, Edward admitted that he wished Roy were there to give him direction, or admonish him, he'd take anything, but most of all he wanted to see him.

Roy set the letter aside and thought of his response as he bathed his body of the day's travel, dried himself, and dressed in his blue pajamas. He combed his hair, secured his eye patch, picking up the letter before he left the bathroom. As soon his good eye found Edward sitting on the sofa reading a book, he approached him and bent over the back, embracing him from behind. It wasn't just because he had feelings for the young alchemist or that he wanted to and could, it was because he thought Edward needed it.

Ed stiffened, obviously startled, then relaxed and set the book aside. "We should go to bed. Hawkeye, if I remember right, gets started early." Ed said after a few moments.

"She does," Roy confirmed softly and slowly pulled away.

While Edward was in the bathroom changing, Roy dug through the desk in the small living area until he found a stationary set and hid it in the nightstand beside the bed he was claiming. Then he slipped into bed and turned out the lamp, leaving the room dark. He would wait until Edward slept then give the boy a response and slip it into Edward's shoe. At least there he was certain the boy would find it.

It didn't take Ed long to come from the bathroom and find his bed, mumbling as he stumbled over something and crawled in. "You could have left the light on until I got into bed, you know."

Roy chuckled, "And miss hearing your annoyance?"

"Good night," Ed bit.

"Good night, Edward." he said and after a few minutes of listening to Ed toss and turn, he heard the blond sigh and get out of bed. What he didn't expect was to feel his bed dip with the weight of the young man. Naturally he tensed and reached for the light but Ed caught his arm.

"Um… May I… sleep here?" There was such apprehension in Ed's voice, enough to match his own. Still Roy was able to see reason.

"I don't mind, Edward, really I don't. However, I think we both know Hawkeye probably has a key of her own and will let herself in." Edward's body tensed instantly.

"Oh… I guess I didn't think-" Roy hushed him with a finger to his lips and sat up.

"She would keep it a secret, but are you ready to let others know?" He asked. Truth was, he bet Hawkeye already suspected there was something more going on between them. She was that intuitive.

Ed made a noise of discomfort and deflated. "I don't know. It's… Al knows but he's my brother."

Roy figured as much. There was very little the two brothers kept from each other. "I have an idea, Ed, why don't I come to your bed and stay until you're asleep."

"It's not the same," Ed pouted.

"But it would be a better arrangement until we find a place to live." He wondered how Ed knew the difference before realizing Edward and Alphonse must have shared a bed together many times.

"I hate it when you're like that." Ed muttered and backed away then crawled into his bed.

"What? Right, Ed, I'm always right." He replied, following. Apparently Ed didn't just want him to be in the same bed, he wanted to cuddle and it was a bit awkward since Ed didn't know 'how' he wanted to; which was a bit frustrating to the Flame Alchemist.

Finally, after much wiggling and sighing, Roy made Ed lay with his back to him and spooned up behind him, tucked him in, and slipped his arm around Ed's waist. Damn he was warm and it felt all too good to hold him like this. "If you move again, I will bite you."

"Well that sounds kinky."

That should have been his line. "You know it is a bit difficult to lie here, especially after kissing you-"

"Yeah about that, I want another one." Ed interrupted.

No, not demanding at all, Roy supposed some things would never change with Ed. As wonderful as that was, it terrified him. A kiss in bed in a dark room could go in several directions, some of which were too early to take. He couldn't let it go too far, it wasn't the right moment or the right place and he didn't want either of them to be hurt.

Ed turned in his arms, trembling a little, but determined to get what he wanted. Roy could barely see him in the dim glow of light coming in from under the main door. He'd locked it earlier and no one would enter unless they had a key or used Alchemy to pick the lock. It was a little frightening and exciting.

Ed's fingertips brushed over his cheek and without the noise of the train, Roy could hear just how shallow the young man's breathing had become, how quick and barely there. Roy promised himself he wouldn't let it go too far and gave Edward what he wanted, kissing him tenderly.

It was sweet and innocent at first, but Ed wanted a little more and whimpered softly for it. Tongues intertwined and breathing became quicker. Hands began to roam and explore, bodies pressed closer, and Roy found himself with a predicament; the same he felt on Edward.

Too far.

Gently he broke the kiss, resisting the urge to kiss Ed's jaw and neck. Ed whimpered half in wanting, half in embarrassment. But there was nothing to be embarrassed of. In fact it was quite flattering.

"We should sleep." Roy whispered and pressed a kiss to Ed's forehead.

"Yeah… sorry."

"Don't be."

"'K," Ed made to motion to turn away, but pulled him down for another kiss. Roy gave in and let go enough to lose himself for a little while; long enough find Ed's neck with his lips, slip his hand under Ed's pajama top to let his fingers taste the warmth and softness of skin to the contrast of cold, smooth metal.

Edward moaned softly and rubbed himself against him, making Roy weak, making him roll Ed onto his back and settle between the boy's legs and press their erections against each other. He waited for Ed to push him away. Waited for Ed panic but nothing ever came of his waiting other than Ed bucking his hips.

Too late…

"Doesn't have to be all the way." Ed panted a bit nervously.

"You'll be the," He nipped the boy's neck, "death of me." He groaned and pulled his pants down enough to free his cock, doing the same to Ed. Both of them gasped the moment he pressed down again and then Ed moaned and frantically wrapped his arms around him as Roy began grind. It was Roy's undoing. He let go and while still gentle, he let Edward have what he wanted. He made Fullmetal moan and whimper, made him pant and gasp, and then he made him cum.

Roy wished there had been a light on so he could see the beauty he heard. So he could see the wondrous stiffening and arching, the warm seed spilling from Ed's penis, the last bit was enough to send him over the edge.

Finally when they had settled and regained their breath and they were a mess of tangled limbs, Ed's lips lazily found his and auto-mail fingers trailed up his spine. Roy shivered and Ed apologized, pulling away.

"Don't, I like it." Roy whispered rubbing Ed's hip soothingly. "And never be afraid to touch me with that leg or that arm. Auto-mail doesn't bother me, Edward."

"Y-you sure?" Ed asked timidly.

Roy smiled, pressing a kiss to Ed's lips and then to the auto-mail port of his shoulder. The metal was cold and smelled faintly of oil. "It's part of the whole I adore. How could it bother me?" He placed more kisses to Ed's prosthetic shoulder.

"I wish I could feel that… I do, the pressure, but it's not the same."

"It's better," Roy told him softly.

Ed let out a wry chuckle, "What you got a fetish for metal?"

"No, just for all things you. I like every part of you, Ed." He admitted freely and was surprised how easily it had left his lips. Perhaps it just that simple given what they'd done in this bed moments ago. He supposed since they'd broken two barriers the rest would be broken soon in the future, but he didn't want this to be only lust; this thing growing between them.

"You'll really stay until I'm asleep?"

"Mmm hmm," He replied softly, "But first…" Roy left the bed and hunted down a wash cloth in the bathroom, soaking it with warm water. He cleaned himself, rinsed it, and went back to Ed, cleaning the young man gently, before tossing the rag aside to pick up later. Then he held the boy until sleep finally claimed him.

When Roy was certain Ed wouldn't awaken, he slipped from the bed and went back to his own, switching on the light and wrote the response to Edward's letter. It wasn't as long as Ed's and he couldn't really give Edward direction or advice. However, he was honest and let Edward know of the things he'd been doing, let him know he'd been just as lost and worried, but that he wasn't giving up on finding him.

When the letter was finished, he sealed it and put it in Ed's shoe before turning out the light and settling down for sleep. But sleep never came. Over and over he questioned things, wondered what was going on that made everyone want him back in the higher ranks, and he wondered if perhaps the little event and loss of control in Ed's bed had been a mistake. It had felt right, now that he looked back on it, but had it been? And how far would they go when left alone again tomorrow evening?

Uncomfortable thoughts sped through Roy's mind. He'd never felt so possessive for a potential lover before, not like this, nor had he felt jealous at the thought that someone else might have touched or kissed the sleeping alchemist. He didn't mind if Ed wasn't a virgin, he wasn't, but he didn't like the idea of having to erase the marks left behind by another. He didn't want Edward to make comparisons and be left wanting and unsatisfied.

This was ridiculous, it didn't matter one way or the other, Roy reasoned with himself and turned over. Ed was here now and after all of the kisses and humping, he wasn't going to let him slip from his fingers so easily.

***

Four am rolled around leaving Roy awake and bored out of his skull. He'd tried a walk down the hotel hall; he'd tried to read a book, and tried telling himself a story but nothing worked. His mind refused to calm down and he wished there was scotch to drink. No matter what Hawkeye said, she was letting him buy some today or she'd have to buy it for him if she was so determined not to let him be seen. He had half a mind to call her, wake her up, and make her talk.

In fact he was about to do so when Ed rose from bed, glared at the light, muttered something about coffee, and drug himself to the bathroom. Much to his surprise he heard the shower turn on and waited curiously to see what was going on.

Ten minutes later Ed came out dressed, pulling his hair back into a pony tail. The young man yawned and sat on his bed, reaching for the phone. "Morning."

"Morning… are you really up?"

Ed blinked at him then nodded, "Yeah, why?"

"It's a little after four."

Ed turned the clock around then shrugged, "I'm usually up around this time."

"You used to be late sleeper." Roy said unsure of what to make of this new-to-him-development.

Ed smiled, "I know, it shocked Al to for awhile. Ready for breakfast?"

"Yeah," He replied and rose from bed to get dressed, dressed in civilian clothing since he supposed he was to be discreet.

When he left the bathroom, Edward was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in one hand and his letter in the other. Roy casually sat at the table and lifted a plate from the cart to find eggs, bacon, and toast.

"Hawkeye's orders?" He asked.

Edward nodded and set the letter aside to eat his breakfast. "I think she is planning to focus on finding you a house today."

"Shouldn't take too long," Roy replied, wondering what the hell they were going to do while they waited for her to arrive. She probably wouldn't be around until seven at the earliest and nine at the latest.

"About last night… was that okay?" Edward asked nervously.

"Well, how do you feel about it?" Roy returned. Strange how at this very moment nervousness flared to life within him. But He was the picture of calm on the outside; like old times when he had to be calm so Edward could be a mess if he needed to be.

"… It felt really good…"

"But?" Roy kept his expression relaxed while his voice showed a hint of seriousness. It had felt good too him as well but if Edward wasn't comfortable, they would have to come to terms with it and make certain to take it slower.

"Did you like it?"

Of course he'd liked it, what a silly question. Edward was feeling the waters to get a good read, he could tell. This was what Ed sometimes did when he wasn't sure about something and wanted to be sure. He'd seen more of this behavior as the young man had grown older and had experienced more in life. So he offered something sensible.

"Yes, I did. But I do think we should take things slow, Ed."

"Oh… good." Ed finished his coffee and began to rise from the table but Roy caught his arm.

"What is it Ed? Are you uncomfortable?" He could read the struggle in every line of Edward's frame.

"No," the younger alchemist said, "It's… It's just that, I don't know how these things work, and I want…" he sighed, "I've never been with anyone. There wasn't time and then when I realized who I wanted, you were unattainable."

Edward hadn't even dated? Roy rose and tugged Edward closer. "I'm not unattainable now."

"That's just the problem!" Ed snapped and Roy was suddenly very confused.

"I'm not certain I follow."

Ed let out a moan of frustration, "I'm home, and you're here… I want to do things with you like last night. I want the damned light on so I can see your face when you… you know."

"Cum?" Roy asked with a smirk. Ed couldn't have been more adorable if he tried.

"Yeah, but at the same time, I don't want to rush and mess it all up." Ed admitted with a frustration he'd not seen in the young man in sometime. "I want to do this right."

"I understand," Roy said and sat casually, "I will be honest, Edward, I have the same fears. I am also testing you in a way. I understand that is a bit unfair, but it's not just my feelings I have to worry about, it's yours. After what's happened to us both, this is a bit surreal in a sense that I keep wondering if I will wake and find this all to have been a dream."

"It feels real," Ed muttered, scratching his head. "So, you're kind of scared then?"

"You could put it that way although; my ego would rather call it something else." He smiled, "But to be honest, I'm very nervous and a little shy of this whole thing."

Ed snorted, "You... shy? That's hard to believe."

Roy perked a brow in slight annoyance, "A couple of years ago, that assumption would have been correct depending on the person and depending on how serious things were with whom ever it was I was dating at the time I wouldn't have been."

"So what makes me so different?"

Roy smiled. Was Edward fishing for compliments? "Don't get me wrong, I have respect for the women I've dated and slept with, but you're different in a way that you've been very special to me for quite sometime. I've lost you twice Edward, the first time I didn't know I was attracted to you and liked you; it took me time to realize it. The second time… I didn't get to tell you how I felt much less if you would accept such a confession. No matter how much I would have liked to have a reciprocation on those feelings, I would have been satisfied that you knew how much you meant to me and that you weren't simply a tool to boost me up the ranks. If that makes any sense."

Ed flopped down in his chair thoughtfully. "It does… So what do we do now?"

Roy shrugged, feeling a little drained, exposed, and tired from lack of sleep. "Well, as I said, it depends on you. I would like to take things slow and as old fashioned as it sounds, court you properly. I feel a bit strange doing things in a hotel room when it should be a bed that's ours."

Ed blushed but smiled, "It sounds like a plan." His smile faded, "But when I kiss you-"

"It's difficult," Roy admitted and yawned. "I don't want to be rude, but I think I need a nap." The conversation was odd and he'd expected Edward to scowl and call him corny instead of smile.

"'K, I'll wake you when Hawkeye gets here." Ed replied. Roy felt his eyes follow him to the bed and as he lay down, he heard Ed approach and turn off the light.

"I can sleep it with on." He said quietly.

"I'm going to take a book and read over on the sofa. The lamps far enough away that it shouldn't shine in your eye." Ed replied and did just that.


	4. Chapter 4: The Not So Perfect House

**Chapter Four: The Not So Perfect House**

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or the characters therein 

Awoken by soft voices, Roy had gotten up. Ed and Hawkeye had been sitting on the sofa going over a list of sale ads for town houses and houses in Central. Roy had noted the time on the clock before getting out of bed. It was a little after nine and now he sat in the car looking over the list. There were several places circled and he tossed it aside.

"I want to look at the ones with two or more bedrooms."

Hawkeye eyed him in the rear view mirror as she drove. "Not that I mind, but is there a particular reason, Sir?"

"Since you are all so determined to have me here back in the higher ranks for what ever reason and Ed wants to be a State Alchemist again; he's going to be living with me from now on."

Riza's brown eyes shifted to Ed, "I see. Are you two sure that's safe?"

"Come on Lieutenant, we weren't that bad." Ed said with a grin. "Besides if I'm a State Alchemist again I probably won't be around much."

"And why do you want to be a State Alchemist again, Ed? The last I remember you revoked your rank." She asked letting her eyes fall back to the road.

"I have my reasons." Ed replied. "So where are we going first?"

Riza slowed the car and pulled over and pointed to the house on the left. "Here, it has three bedrooms, two levels, two bathrooms, a large back yard and a good sized kitchen."

Roy looked out the window. It was a white house with red trim protected by a wrought iron fence. The color of the house had changed but Roy knew this house and which street they were on.

"Hawkeye," he warned.

"It's just a house, Sir." she replied as a nicely dressed woman approached carrying a brief case. "Our appointment is here."

But it wasn't just a house and she knew it. Still he got out and met the realtor. She was a nice, middle-aged red head with a pretty smile. Her demeanor spoke volumes of professionalism as did her voice. Had she been military, he suspected she'd be like Hawkeye.

As they headed for the front door, Roy glanced over his shoulder and across the street. A yellow brick house bearing white trim smiled back at him and he sighed, biting the bullet and went inside.

The house itself reminded Roy of the one he'd grown up in as a child. A living room with a picture window, a room the previous owners had used as a combination study and library, bathroom, a family room, and a sizable kitchen with a dinning room. There was laundry room which led out to the back yard where a deck had been built. The yard was indeed large and fenced in with a high fence for privacy.

The second level was comprised of three bedrooms, a full bathroom, and a large linen closet. The master bedroom had a large closet and a bay window with a view of the front yard, street, and the yellow house across the street. All in all the house was perfect except for the location.

"Well, what do you think?" Ed asked as he came in from one of the other bedrooms. Hawkeye and the realtor stood in the hallway speaking softly. "I think it's nice… Hey, are you even listening?"

Roy nodded, "It is a nice house, Edward."

"But you don't like it?" the blonde asked in confusion. "Why?"

"Roy," Riza said from the door, "Would you like to look at other houses? Mrs. Andrews-"

"Obviously you want me here." Roy muttered in annoyance.

"Eh, what's so special about here?" Ed asked.

"Don't you think he would have wanted you to look after-"

"I was in my own way." Roy snapped.

"Who?" Ed demanded. "What's going on here?"

"Didn't you pay attention to the road, Ed? Look across the street." Roy nearly growled and pointed behind him. Ed ran to the window.

"T-that's-"

"Looking out for them from afar isn't doing you any good." Hawkeye reasoned. "Besides, Elicia is older now and asking questions about her father and Gracia has been asking about you. I think Maes would have wanted you to be apart of their lives. He never liked that you were alone."

Roy stiffened, hearing Maes's voice in his head like a phantom teasing him about finding a good woman and getting married, inviting him over for dinner, inviting him out for a drink and it didn't stop there. Memories flooded him, painful ones, happy ones, and the worst memory of all; the day he had to bury his best friend and listen to the man's daughter cry in confusion and hear Maes's wife try to explain through her own devastated grief why Elicia's Daddy wasn't going to wake up.

A piece of him had died that day, had been buried with his best friend, the man who'd saved him, picked him off the ground and dusted him off, and who'd supported him in his stupid goals.

He looked away, guilt filling his being. "It wasn't for you to decide, Hawkeye."

"I never said you had to buy the house." She replied.

Ed stepped away from the window. "I wouldn't mind living here. It's been a long time since I've seen the Hughes and…" He smiled, "I wasn't his best friend but he did help Al and me, I owe him something in return. Besides, I've missed Elicia, she's seven now. I wonder how much she's grown."

"Is there something wrong?" Mrs. Andrews asked.

"The only way to put the past behind you is to face it instead of running from it." Riza said quietly. "You'll never reach your goal if you hide."

Hide? Hardly and he wasn't running either. The room was quiet for a long time and Roy felt the same heavy-hearted guilt from Edward as he did in himself. Both of them felt responsible for Maes's loss and helpless for it. The only difference was that Edward was trying to put this in a positive light where as he'd rather sulk and wallow in his guilt like child.

"And what makes you think I still have a goal, Hawkeye?" He asked with a dark smirk.

"You might have lost faith but some of us haven't." she replied.

He was pouting, he knew it, but she didn't have the right. She didn't even ask and now she'd pulled Edward into her fold. She was getting more devious. Fine, but she'd better back him all the way and be prepared for the fall out, which was a ridiculous thought since he knew her to be loyal to a fault.

If Maes were still alive would he be disappointed? Would he have even let him fall this far? The answer was no. Maes wouldn't have let any of this happen in the first place.

"Just get me the paperwork." He replied stiffly.

Mrs. Andrews hesitated a moment then nodded her head, "Would you like to meet me at my office?"

"That would be fine." Riza answered for him as he turned back to the window. Gazing across the street, Roy sighed, slipping his hands in his pockets.

"Riza, could you give us a moment?" Ed asked and Roy gave him sideways glance as he came next to him.

"Of course and she headed down stairs.

"Well that sounded platonic." Roy muttered sardonically.

"Knock it off," the younger man bit, "Listen; you really want to do this? It was a dirty trick she pulled. I bet she even figured that I wouldn't remember all the street names after being gone so long. Even if she does have a point, we don't have to stay here. We can live else where and just visit the Hughes."

Roy let out a sigh as he turned to leave and rested a hand on Ed's shoulder, "It doesn't matter, Edward. It's a nice house in a quiet neighborhood and at least this way we can see them more often." he smirked although he wasn't feeling it, "Besides, I just bet once Gracia knows we're living across the street from her, she'll cook for us." He was trying he really was, this couldn't just be about him anymore, he had to think of Edward's feelings and Ed's needs. The blond had been good friends with the Hughes. The Hughes, Maes especially had been good to him, he couldn't just get by with a phone call or letter anymore. He had to face them.

Ed smiled, "I missed her cooking." then his smile fell and he whispered, "Um… Roy, if they're over here a lot, won't they figure out… you know?"

"Probably," Roy replied dryly, secretly dreading the day people started figuring things out. Sooner or later they'd slip up when they thought no one was looking. Roy didn't like the idea of hiding his affection for Edward in their own home. It was dangerous and risky and might cost them in the end. But they had good friends who cared about them, the true ones would try to understand and tolerate this. "Then again exactly how long do you think it'll be a secret?"

Ed's face fell, "I guess even if we are discreet, we'll probably betray ourselves."

Roy smiled and squeezed Ed's shoulder, "It's a chance I'll take. Let's get this paper work over with and start moving in. I suppose we should head over sometime soon and let Gracia know we're moving in across the street from her."

There were moments in Roy's life he wished he could steal the camera Maes had been so fond of and this was one of them for Edward beamed happily. There was an excited light full of life in is Ed's golden orbs that was surpassed by very few and he was amazed the fire still burned after so much agony, struggle, and loss.

"Great, let's go." Ed replied and began to take off but Roy caught the neck of his coat.

"Hold on, let's take care of the paper work and get the house in our names first."

Ed's brow furrowed, "Our names?"

"Yeah, _our_ names. The house will be half yours and half your responsibility. After all don't you have some savings in Central Bank?" He smirked. He thought, for a moment, Edward might bite back with some retort but the young alchemist's body stilled with uncertainty. Roy knew that look all too well, he'd seen it too often when Ed was offered something too good to be true only this time it wouldn't there wouldn't be pain or an unpleasant catch attached.

"Half mine?" Edward asked thoughtfully then met his eyes again. There was a flicker of disappointment trying to hide. "I don't think I have enough for half the payment."

There it was, the fear of decision, the want for something he thought he couldn't attain, but he was wrong. Everything had a price tag, which was something Edward had learned long ago. If he did something he always wanted to do it right and on his own, rarely taking help. It was admirable and yet damn annoying.

Roy lifted his hand and brushed Ed's hair out of his eyes, "I'm not paying all of it today, Edward; I can't. We'll have to make payments for awhile. Besides, we'll need things like furniture, groceries, and cleaning supplies. If you can manage some of those necessities for awhile, I will handle the house payments." He could tell Ed wasn't completely comfortable with it but he was thinking.

"Doesn't really seem fair," He said finally, "I'll take over the cleaning until I'm reinstated and then I can help you with the bills."

If that was how Ed wanted to do this, Roy was fine with it, but he was doing the laundry and wouldn't take any flack or resistance about it. He liked his clothing washed, dried, and pressed and it had to all be done right.

Mrs. Andrews' office was downtown near the bulk of the main market in Central. Convenient, Roy thought as he and Edward filled out the small stack of paper work and he watched the everyday rustics of the city. They'd had make a stop at the Central bank to get a list of their assets, Roy's being considerably more than Edward's, but he was older and had had a savings account since he was a little boy that he'd routinely added to from every pay check. Also his parents had set up a trust fund in his name when he'd been a child that he'd never touched. Then there was the money left to him from his parent's wills…

In all actuality, Roy had more than enough to purchase the house. Of course he'd inquired of its value before entering the bank, just to know what he was looking at. He didn't tell Edward a word of his monetary value or that of the house. However, he did slip a peek at the amount in Edward's savings account and when the young man was off with another bank teller conducting a withdrawal, he moved a little of his funds into the young man's account to replace the amount that Edward was taking out and a little extra to act as a buffer incase Edward needed it. He might hear about it later, but Roy didn't care. He had the means and he wanted to do this.

"Okay, now what?" Ed asked quietly, as he scrawled his signature on the last line.

Roy looked over the paperwork one final time before handing it to Mrs. Andrews who took it happily. Then, he pulled his checkbook and wrote a check for the whole amount of the house, passing it to Mrs. Andrews as well. She looked everything over then excused herself to gather the deed and house keys.

Roy turned his attention to Riza, "I don't suppose Havoc has the day off?"

"He does and so does Breda. I've already told them to expect a phone call and to be ready to assist us with the move." She replied.

Roy smiled and dug a bit of cash from his wallet, handing it to her for the truck rental, "Good, go ahead and see if you can rent a truck and have them load what I have in storage and take it to the house. Edward and I will join you in a little while. We have a little shopping to do."

"Do you even know what furniture you have?" Edward asked. "I mean it's all been in storage for awhile."

Roy perked a brow, "My memory isn't that bad, Ed. The list of what I had in storage was simple: three bookcases, books, clothing, a chair, and a couple of boxes of odds and ends."

Edward frowned, "What about a bed?"

"I stayed in the military apartments. There was no need for excess furniture because it was already there."

Edward apparently didn't like hearing this, "But what about-"

"Edward after my parents died, I sold almost everything they had. I didn't need it. Unlike Hughes, I wasn't married. Besides, it was easier to have less to make moving around easier should the military have need to transfer me. I'm not a pack rat."

"Per se," Riza added with a smile and tucked the cash he'd given her into her purse. "I will see you in a few hours."

Roy nodded and gave her a key to the house as soon as Mrs. Andrews returned. He accepted the deed to the house and without letting Ed get another word in, ushered him out the door.

Furniture shopping with Ed was something Roy had never in his life imagined he'd do. Since it was his first house since living with his parents before he'd left for the military, he had his own ideas of what he'd like. Edward had others and Roy couldn't help but think Ed's small town upbringing had a little to do with that. It wasn't that Roy had expensive taste per se, he did but he was practical about it. He liked simple and yet elegant. Ed seemed to just like simple.

Roy watched with amusement as Ed looked at price tags first then at the actual furniture itself. Ed was only going to be paying for a few pieces, not that the young man knew that yet. He could see the gears turning behind Ed's eyes as he walked around their second furniture store. It was the same as the last; calculation of prices into what funds Edward had available.

Finally Roy sighed, "Edward, you should look at things that you really like. This furniture will be in the house for a long time, might as well be something you're going to enjoy and can live with."

Ed's eyes narrowed, "What's wrong with what I'm looking at?"

"Well, do you really like it?"

Ed was about to defend his current choice of a brown sofa, then shrugged, "A sofa is a sofa."

Roy rolled his eye, "No it isn't. Go look for something you like and sit on it, see if it's comfortable."

"But-"

"But what? I'm not going to sit on anything uncomfortable and forget price. I'll help."

"You just-" Roy covered Ed's mouth before there was scene in the store. As it was, the shop clerk on duty was watching them with a quizzical eye. He supposed they looked a little odd. But then they had looked a little odd when he'd taken Edward out clothes shopping years ago. Edward had always been a little weird when he'd taken him shopping. Back then he'd had to trick Edward a couple of times to get him to go with him. Despite being short, Ed did grow from time to time and not matter how many times the boy had done alchemy on his clothes; he'd needed clothes that fit him properly. Of course back then Edward had always watched him carefully, expecting him to throw some catch at him for it all even though there had never been one. Now Edward watched him with nervousness and asking eyes as if to say, 'is this going to be okay'?

"Calm down, Edward," He'd said that more than once in their time of knowing each other. Leaning close, he said: "We are not going to have a house full of mismatched furniture that's unbearable to sit on. It's our house, might as well be what we want of it."

Ed struggled with it but then gave in and went to a rather nice dark red sofa and flopped down. Red… interesting. It wasn't what Roy would have thought Edward to pick but he followed him and looked at the matching furniture gathered around it. There were two dark red chairs, two dark mahogany end tables, and a dark mahogany coffee table.

"Living room or family room?" Roy asked.

"Family room," Ed replied with a smile of approval, "it's comfortable."

"Is it?" Roy asked and took a seat in one of the chairs. It had a high back, but it was indeed comfortable. "Alright, then let's look for the living room."

Edward was on it and found something akin to the red furniture set in slate blue. There was only one chair to this one but there was a love seat. It wasn't the best shade of blue, but Roy could live with it since Edward seemed to like it so much.

Next he took Edward to the bedroom section and had him pick out a bed for his room while he picked out a nice frame and mattress for the master bedroom. Roy had always wanted a four poster bed and so decided to get one and picked out a chaise lounge to go with it, making certain the shop keeper jotted down what they wanted. He also ordered a wardrobe and two dressers.

Roy ordered two desks for the study and a smaller sofa and a nice overstuffed leather chair. Then he ordered a table and chairs for the dinning room and a hide away bar for the study. Bookshelves they had and could make. Once all of it was ordered and he'd paid the bill taking the money Edward gave him and pocketing it to deposited in his bank account later, he gave the address of their house to the shop keep and added the money for delivery and moved Edward along to another set of shops to get bed linens, towels, and the like, odds and ends for the house. Those too he had delivered, of course he had to shell out a little extra but it was all taken care of.

By mid afternoon, Roy was hungry and they had everything they could possibly need. So he took Edward to a small café to have a bite to eat. If anyone recognized them, they didn't acknowledge it and left them be. As it was, Roy didn't really care; today he was more interested in the house, who his neighbors were, and Edward's current irritation.

With a sigh, Roy finished his sandwich and took a sip of water to wash it down. "I was under the impression that we had worked the money issue out."

Ed narrowed his eyes, "That was before you decided to pay for most of it." he muttered then slammed a hand on the table. "How do you expect me to pull my weight if you keep doing things like this?"

Roy ignored the feeling of eyes upon them in the café and sat back, folding his arms over his chest. "Are you afraid I will hold this against you or over your head later?"

Ed closed his mouth and picked up his spoon. It was answer enough and Roy was deeply offended and a bit wounded.

"If you can't trust me then why did you go to so much trouble to bring me here?" He would let that sink in for a bit and called the waitress over before Ed had a chance to respond. Asking for the check, he paid and gave her a tip, then rose from the small booth, and then left the café to hail a cab. As he predicted, Edward followed quickly after a moment.

"Wait!" the young man called, "It's not that I don't trust you."

"Then what is it?" Roy asked firmly, "If we can't trust each other then it's never going to work, Ed."

"I know but in the past-"

"This isn't the past, Edward, we can't change history, I think we both know it's folly to try. We'll talk about this later."

"We'll talk about it now." Ed snapped impatiently, "I know we can't change the past, but what else did you expect me to think?"

Roy wheeled around, "I don't know, maybe that you'd have a little faith in me. Things are different now and frankly I'm a little offended that you would think I would be so petty." He quieted his voice, leaning a little closer so passers by wouldn't overhear, "Edward," it was so hard to say and as luck would have it a cab pulled up. "This is ridiculous, what possible gain would I have in holding the house or the things that go inside over your head when what I want most is for you to live in it and be happy with me?" He tilted his head to the side and opened the cab door. "We should get going before Havoc, Breda, and Hawkeye are swamped with everything."

Ed perused his lips and slipped into the cab. "I don't know," he said after Roy followed suit.

"Then let's let it go. Besides, there is too much to do today to spend it arguing."

Ed nodded and relaxed into the seat, "I should call Alphonse."

"You may have to go to Gracia's. I forgot to set up a phone line." Roy replied softly, discarding the edge of irritation in his voice.

Edward nodded then smiled, "How much do you want to bet that Hawkeye already had one set up?"

Roy shrugged, "That's not a bet I am willing to take. Knowing her, you have a point."

"You still mad at me?" Ed asked a bit timidly.

Roy smiled and let out a soft sigh. It was hard to be when Ed was worried over something he used to not care about. "No."

"Good," The younger alchemist replied and turned his attention to world outside the cab.

When they arrived at their new home, three trucks lined the street and to Roy's surprise, Armstrong was standing in the front yard. "Huh… Guess she thought we needed more help."


End file.
